alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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