If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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