the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
