I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize