the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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