The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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