No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
