I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
