The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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