Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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