FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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