May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
