My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
