My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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