i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
