I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
