You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
