this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
