Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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