Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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