Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
