yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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