I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
