My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
