I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
