Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
