sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize