You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
