You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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