You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
