You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
