if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Text me some of your sweat
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