i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
