She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
