Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Two words: blizzard sex
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
