you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
