apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
