i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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