i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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