her vagine was all disorganized.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
