Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
