Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I just sharted jello shots
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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