Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
