There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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