You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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