I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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