This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
