end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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