You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
