If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
