I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
