this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
