when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
