If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize