you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
