Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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