john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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