God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
