I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
