she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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