hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
home. puking in laundry basket.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
