How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
