And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
