jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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