i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
