she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
