i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize