man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want her autograph on my taint
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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