I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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