Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize