I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
