Sry I called you an 8
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
