Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
