omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
one might say we're banned from that church
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
