I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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