so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
