if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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