Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
