using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
