Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
