I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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