I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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