how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
