is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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