I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
