He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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