OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
