you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
