im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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