oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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