We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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