Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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