bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
