butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
