So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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