guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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