someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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