Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
