We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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